The Wildest Stories from Kingdom Come 2: Delivering Mayhem and Laughter

Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 isn't just another medieval RPG; it's a masterclass in unpredictable absurdity, blending brutal realism with laugh-out-loud moments at every turn. Forget predictable quests; this game throws you into a whirlwind of bizarre side adventures that make every playthrough unique. The stories below are just a glimpse into the chaotic charm of Bohemia.

These tales are spoiler-free, focusing solely on the hilariously unexpected journeys you can embark on.

Table of Contents

• Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
• Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
• Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
• Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
• Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
• Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out

Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song

Nestled in the charming town of Želejov – complete with a bathhouse, fighting arena, and a lively tavern – reside two incredibly lazy troubadours. Their ambition? To conquer Bohemia with their "epic" songs. Their reality? A desperate lack of funds, instruments, and any semblance of artistic direction. Will they sing of noble ideals or beautiful women? Who knows!

Enter Henry, ready to assist these aspiring musical geniuses. His quest begins with a daring lute theft (risking arrest and reputational damage). But the bards, ever demanding, snap the strings, requiring new ones made from sheep intestines. The challenges mount; after securing the strings, they reveal a debt to the innkeeper, refusing to work it off, claiming such labor is beneath their artistic genius. After countless errands across Bohemia, they finally have everything: instrument, freedom, and inspiration. Their reward? A soul-crushingly boring song celebrating Henry's mundane exploits – stealing, sheep butchering, and bag carrying. The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I? I laughed until my sides hurt.

Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern

Remember those crucial lute strings? They require the craftsmanship of Vojtěch, a local hunter with a serious drinking problem. He’s wandered into the woods, encountered wolves, and climbed a tree like a drunken acrobat. The rescue involves getting him down (safely, hopefully), saving his horse from bandits, and helping him sober up. The reward? A loyal ally teaching survival skills. But what if you decide to deliver him directly to the tavern instead?

That's exactly what I did, lugging Vojtěch through forests and swamps. His reaction upon arrival? Not exactly gratitude. “What kind of help is this?! Where am I? How do I get home with this injured leg? And what about my horse? You’re an idiot!” He refused further assistance, limping away grumbling. Our next encounter? He greeted me with a scowl and offered the best view behind his shack as compensation. "It's the best I can offer," he muttered bitterly.

Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog

The Polovtsians are the villains of the game, responsible for devastating Henry’s hometown. Finding them causing trouble in a tavern, I was ready for revenge. But instead of ruthless marauders, I found surprisingly friendly individuals. Soon, I was matchmaking one with a gypsy woman, then drinking with the whole camp, and finally, singing bizarre songs with them. Just as I was getting into the groove, a talking dog interrupted, lecturing me on life's purpose and challenging me to swim across a lake. Somehow, I survived, laughing uncontrollably the entire time.

Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price

By hour 30, I was a master thief. By hour 31, Bohemia’s most wanted. A single botched heist: I looted a guard barracks, but a passerby noticed me. The next morning, a guard burst into my room, accusing me. Miraculously, I talked my way out of it, only realizing too late I hadn't removed my flashy accessories or washed the stench of crime off my clothes. It wasn't the theft that gave me away, but the evidence I left behind. The attention to detail is simply astounding.

Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies

I stole a horse, intending to sell it to Mikolaj, the gypsy horse trader. But Mikolaj was asleep, and the horse bolted before I could tie it up. I left the game running overnight, waiting for dawn. When Mikolaj finally woke, he spent ten minutes eating porridge, before I finally managed the sale. Even minor escapades become hilarious misadventures in Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2.

Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out

These are just a few examples of the game's unique charm. Every decision, however small, has consequences that ripple through the world in unexpected ways. From rescuing drunkards to philosophizing with dogs, the game is endlessly entertaining. Its commitment to realism and immersion makes every playthrough a unique and unforgettable experience. Bohemia awaits!